


That Same Old Feeling

by bratchet



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Communication, Fading Love, It Gets Better, M/M, Marriage, More About Working Things Out Than Fluff/Smut, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:40:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24308353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bratchet/pseuds/bratchet
Summary: Harry and Draco have been drifting further and further apart.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Kudos: 39





	That Same Old Feeling

After a long day of work, Harry usually dropped onto the couch, and watched the embers sizzle out of the fireplace until Draco returned home. The peaceful crackle of the fire soothed Harry’s ears after hours of listening to arsehole Ministry employees. The comforting warmth of the flames diffused across his face, like a silky blanket of heat. The sweet smell of the burning wood, like maple syrup and melting marshmallows. Harry rested his eyes at the tranquility of these moments. 

He was always woken up by the gentle touch of Draco’s fingers down his cheeks. The sudden coolness after laying in front of the fire for hours was a joyful surprise greeted with a loving smile. Harry opened his eyes to a beautiful pale blonde boy who pressed a soft kiss on the lightning-bolt scar on his forehead. He always enjoyed those simple actions of affection. The way they flowed through the center of his body, spreading all over through his veins. 

Harry would then shift over to the right side of the couch so that Draco could sit beside him. The soft dip of the couch that Harry would always know and remember. When Draco made himself comfortable, he would normally signal for Harry to lie on his lap. The way Draco ran his fingers through the messy black curls relaxed Harry. He would sigh in content, looking up towards the kind grey eyes, and giving another tender smile to which Draco would return. 

As Draco unwinded on the couch with the adorable face staring up at him, he would grab Harry’s fingers and intertwine them with his own. Draco enjoyed the contrast between his smooth slender palm to Harry’s slightly rougher one. He would hold the gaze with the carefree green eyes, tracing his distinct jaw line with the ringed finger on his other hand. He would remove unruly strands of hair laying on Harry’s forehead before leaning in one last time for a delicate kiss on the rosy pink lips.

-

But, that was almost five years ago. The excitement of being newly weds gradually diminished as years went by with the same unchanging routine. Files and paperwork continued to pile up at the Ministry, and no matter how many times Harry thought he was finished, another stack would be waiting on the side. Draco didn’t work at the Ministry with Harry, but owns a shop where he sells flowers and potions for all types of occasions, whether it’s for weddings or simple luck on an exam. The amount of logs he has to make for sold equipment, incoming equipment, and unpopular equipment is more than one would expect. 

In the end, the pair would spend less and less time with each other, a wedge that would continuously grow. Harry sat in front of the fireplace, and contemplated what went wrong and when it went wrong. The pain that swelled in his chest outweighed all the loving actions that used to course through his body. He was upset. He was angry. He was confused. Every night he would sleep on the couch, waiting for Draco to come home and wake the boy up. But every night, the disappointment proved larger than his hope. 

-

On Friday morning, Harry woke up at the beep of his alarm. When he turned to his side, Draco was already gone. He could hear the hushed clanging of the coffee pot as it poured that usual black liquid into Draco’s favorite mug. Harry sat up on his bed to stretch, and then yawned so loudly that he swore all the movement stopped in the kitchen. 

He went to the bathroom, quickly washed his face, and then charmed his teeth clean. As he was pulling on his usual Ministry uniform, his eyes caught sight of a picture frame sitting on the clothing drawer beside the door. He walked towards it, and lifted it up with a dejected expression. It was one of their wedding photos. He could see Draco’s brilliant smile as Harry tip-toed to kiss his cheek. The arm that gently held the waist of the smaller boy as the blonde turned to face him. He smiled, remembering how beautiful that day was. If he could relive that day even for a second, he would.

He sighed and thought to himself that tonight would be the night he would confront Draco about their relationship. He missed Draco’s comforting touches. He missed the way Draco’s fingers ran through his hair, trying to relax Harry as he vented about the typical ignorant Aurors he had to work with. He placed the frame back onto the drawer, and made his way down the stairs. 

When Harry entered the kitchen, Draco was already sitting at the table, drinking a freshly brewed cup of coffee and reading the Daily Prophet. 

“Good morning, Draco,” Harry said, eyes shifting to the cup that Draco poured for him.

“Good morning, Harry,” Draco responded, looking up to give Harry a gentle smile. He went back to reading the paper before he spoke again, “Rita bloody Skeeter. She’s done it again. Absolute trollop, she is. How can she go about spreading those filthy rumors that my shop is infested with nasty little critters?”

“I’m sure no one will believe a word she says anyway. Everyone knows she’s a liar and thrives on the gossip, don’t worry about it,” Harry reassured.

The blonde faced Harry, “Of course I’m going to bloody worry about it. It’s  _ my _ shop she’s trying to close down. You wouldn’t understand as you don’t own one yourself.”

“You’re right, I don’t own a shop. But that doesn’t mean I don’t understand the shite you’re going through. Remember our fourth year? She wouldn’t leave me alone after my name was mentioned. She couldn’t even get my bloody age right no matter how many times I corrected her,” Harry defensively answered.

Draco rolled his eyes, and spoke, "Merlin Harry, always about your past. You make it seem like your life was the bloody worst."

"Maybe because my life was pretty much the worst one's could be. My parents were killed before I could even bloody talk. I had to live with my shite aunt and uncle for eleven god damned years before even finding out about Hogwarts. And even then, every year I had to deal with some bullshit because of Lord fucking Voldemort." He exhaled distastefully, "How dare you brush away my past like it meant nothing? Like it's something that I should just get over." He shook his head in disappointment, "Fuck you, Draco."

Draco's chin lowered, and he sighed, “I’m sorry. I forgot about those times. I forgot about the Dursleys and, honestly, the first few years at Hogwarts - everything before the war blurs in my mind."

Harry nodded, “Yeah, have been forgetting a lot of things lately, Draco.” His eyes turned to the side before he quietly muttered, “Like our anniversary… “

“Harry, I told you I was sorry about that a dozen times. Why are you still holding that against me?”

Harry sharply turned back to Draco, “It doesn’t matter how many times you apologize because your actions are still the bloody same. Forgetful. Indifferent. Cold.”

Draco was taken aback. His expression changed into a guilty one, “Look, I know we haven’t been that close lately, and I know that it’s been a bit tense. But I’m trying, Harry, I am.” 

Draco turned towards his wrist watch and quietly said, “I have to go now.” He paused, pushing the chair back into the table. “I’ll see you tonight, hopefully not too late.” 

Draco walked out the front door without a glance back. He didn’t even say goodbye. Harry watched the door slowly close behind the blonde before he inhaled the hot liquid sitting in his cup. Draco always drank black coffee, but Harry smelled a sweet scent. His lip gently tugged, appreciating that the blonde still remembered to put spoonfuls of sugar for him.

-

Draco constantly replayed the conversation from this morning. He felt guilty not being able to do more for Harry. He didn’t mean to forget their anniversary. He didn’t mean to forget Harry’s past. He didn’t mean to snap at Harry during breakfast. 

Throughout the day, Draco was too distracted by his own thoughts to work properly. He would unknowingly sort the love potions with liquid luck. He would place the daisies with the sunflowers. He would blankly stare at the customers who asked for more information on the potions he sold. One woman was asking about Sleeping Draught for her son, but all Draco could hear were muffled sounds.

Draco asked one of his employees to watch the front while he sat in the back to organize the files on who bought what today. As he was writing the sold items down on a piece of parchment, Harry’s disappointed expression kept popping into his mind. He shut his eyes in frustration and tossed the notepad across the room. His fingers pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to let the feeling pass. Ultimately he told his employees to go home early so that he could lock up before closing time. 

-

Draco arrived home before Harry, and immediately walked upstairs to wash up. The hot water running down his back loosened up his tense muscles. He rubbed his sore neck after endless days of speaking to customers and registering items. After his shower, he massaged his calves and his arms. He sighed in relief at how nice it was to be able to relax after showering. As Draco made his way downstairs, he halted when he saw that Harry was pouring water in the kitchen.

Harry scrunched his eyebrows, “Draco?” His eyes shifted to the clock, then back to the blonde. “Why are you home so early?”

“Just needed a break from work,” Draco answered.

Harry nodded, “Ah, okay.” His eyes lowered. Why did he think Draco would come back for him?

“And,” Draco paused, “I think we should talk.” He eyed the couch, indicating Harry to follow. Draco set himself on his usual left side, and waited for the other to sit.

Harry hesitantly sat down, and placed his cup of water on the side table. How long has it been since they sat together like this?

Draco saw the black-haired boy avoiding his eyes. He began, "How are you feeling?"

Harry slanted his lips, "I guess a little lonely. I just feel like we see each other every day, but we don't really do anything more than ask 'How was your day?' and say 'I'll see you tonight.' We barely have a functioning conversation before one of us snaps at each other. Honestly, it's upsetting to know that we rarely have time to just sit and hang about like we used to."

Draco's eyes softened, "I suppose we ought to change that." 

"Yeah…" 

“Say we put aside a day, maybe Saturday or Sunday, where we just do what we want. Whether it’s cuddling on our bed, or flying our broomsticks - whatever we want,” Draco suggested.

Harry responded, “Better Saturday than Sunday, so at least we can sleep in.”

Draco agreed as a nice long sleep sounded great right now.

Harry cleared his throat, "So how are you feeling?"

"Exhausted. Frustrated. Work is a pain, and I just want to come home and relax with you. But that usually never gets to happen because the moment I sit down, my mind races with past bills, incomplete files, and unordered products. It's just a lot and I can't take a break because if I take a break, things get in late and customers get angry." Draco sighed, and rubbed the headache growing on the side of his head. 

Harry frowned at the visible stress of Draco's face, “I’m sorry, Draco. I didn't even think how exhausting work has been for you lately." 

Draco shook his head, indicating to not worry about it. He turned towards the unlit fireplace, and then asked, "How do you feel about everything? About us…?"

Harry scrunched his eyebrows, "Well, um, what you said this morning, basically. It's tense. It seems we're always on edge, trying hard not to piss each other off, but we end up doing it anyways. It's the fact how things in the beginning were immensely different than how things are now."

Draco solemnly agreed, "I can't help but feel that it's mainly me that's being insensitive and moody. It's wrong of me to prioritize work over you. I'm just overwhelmed, and I end up taking it out on you." Draco met the green eyes, "I'm stupid."

Harry's lips pulled back into a thin line. "Do you think we married too soon?"

Draco slowly shook his head, "I don't think so." His grin turned reminiscent, "I've fancied you since our sixth year, but I couldn't really do anything at  _ that _ time. I thought after the war, I would just forget about you, but when you came up to me a year after to patch things up, all those warm feelings came rushing back. We got closer, and eventually you got to meet my family properly and I got to meet the Weasleys properly. Everything seemed to fit in place as time went on, and when I proposed to you, it just felt right."

Draco paused when he saw a slight raise in Harry's lip, "I don't regret marrying you at the time I did. It was the most perfect moment, and our wedding day was brilliant. I enjoyed every second, from the moment I placed that ring onto your finger to the moment we made it back to the bedroom."

The last bit made Harry burst in a quick chuckle. "Of course you had to add that last part."

Draco grinned back amusingly.

The atmosphere became quiet again and all that could be heard was the gentle wind knocking against the window behind Harry. He wanted to hold Draco, and vanish all of his worries. He wanted to press little kisses on his migraines, and his sore muscles. He wanted to intertwine his fingers into the other's, and keep the beautiful contact forever. But he also wanted to make sure that that same old feeling was still there. That they could still feel the connection that drew them together in the first place. 

Harry's eyes met Draco's and then he spoke again, "Can I ask you something?"

Draco simply nodded, encouraging Harry to continue.

There was a brief moment of silence before Harry bit his bottom lip, and quietly asked, “Do you still love me?”

“Of course I do.” 

“Then why does it seem like you don’t? You don’t kiss me. You don’t touch me. You barely talk to me. I know you're really busy, but even when I try to hug you, you pull away,” Harry’s voice slightly cracked at the end. His eyes now glued to his own fingers twiddling anxiously.

Draco’s eyes fell to Harry’s fingers. He grabbed them and pulled it towards himself, causing the boy to finally look up. Draco glanced between the two teary eyes. He felt the brief little flutter in his chest when he studied the exquisite features. The graceful green eyes that he noticed the very first day at Hogwarts. The delicate pink lips that smiled at him when he first asked to get a cup of tea together. The infamous lightning bolt scar and thin spectacled glasses that make Harry - well, Harry. Draco gently grinned, “No, I definitely still love you." 

Harry felt Draco’s thumb rub his hands in tiny, reassuring circles. It felt like there was a pit lodged in Harry’s throat; the twinge of guilt for piling even more stress onto Draco, for even doubting his feelings. He licked his dry lips before he spoke. “I'm the worst, aren't I?" Harry gave himself a mental slap.

Draco amusingly shook his head, "No. You're asking perfectly reasonable questions for a couple who's been married for almost half a decade." He gave a playful smirk.

Harry let out a breathless laugh.

Draco then asked, “Do you still love me?”

“Yes. 100, no, 1000 percent yes.”

"Hmm, I don't know," Draco said, sarcastically squinting his eyes at Harry. 

Harry swiped his hands in front of the blonde's face, as if trying to get rid of the dubious expression, "I mean it … I love you." 

Draco lifted his hand to Harry’s face, and gently caressed his cheek, “That’s good to hear.” He paused. “I know I asked for us to talk, but can we just sit like this for a while?”

Harry nodded into Draco’s palm. He missed the softness of his touch. His eyes shut at the familiar comforting feeling that usually escaped from the tips of his fingers. “I’ve missed this... I’ve missed you.”

Draco grinned at his words, “I’ve missed you too. So much.” He leaned forward to place a kiss on Harry’s forehead, and then on Harry’s lips. 

The soft press was slow and passionate, like a craving that took years to satiate. Draco pulled Harry in by the cheeks, and tilted further into the kiss. He felt Harry’s fingers gently tug on the bottom of his shirt as he steadied himself. 

After they parted, Draco opened his arms for Harry to lay on his shoulder. When Harry positioned himself comfortably in Draco's arms, he spoke again, "Your shop has gotten pretty popular over the last year.” His eyes widened in realization, “Especially now, it’s wedding season. All those flowers that you had to order - ohmygod.” 

Draco softly chuckled at Harry’s unnecessary observation, and patted his head. "It's been alright."

Harry nuzzled further into Draco's neck to which the latter pulled Harry closer. Draco rested his cheek on Harry's head, and shut his eyes, taking in the warmth and comfort exuding from the smaller boy. He inhaled the black curls, head filling with the numbing scent of treacle tarts and broomstick wood. As he exhaled, his slender finger ran down Harry's back as if he were signing the binding contract that would connect them for eternity.


End file.
